Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
