Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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