i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
nutella sex= disaster
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
A bitchslap is in order.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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