his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
