I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
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