matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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