either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
