I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
