Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
