I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
