How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
