I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
