Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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