I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
