Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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