shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I party with great urgency now.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
