Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
As shirtless as possible
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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