Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
