swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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