goodnight i made you a song goodbye
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
