i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
