oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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