And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
