I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
