This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
