the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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