Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
