I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
