so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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