Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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