Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize