I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
