i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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