You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
