She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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