I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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