dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
