I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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