omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
