It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
