I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
