i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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