I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
