Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
