planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
last night I used snow as a chaser
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
