It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
