I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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