Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
