Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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