apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
