That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
