I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
