I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
