someone get that fucking seahorse.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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