so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
