I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
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I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
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I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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