Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
We named our party play list daddy issues
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
