Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
