I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
