im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize