only you would photoshop your dick
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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