I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
