sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
