so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
