Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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