I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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