For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
