I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
kristin has been a bad kristin
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
