I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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