I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
