When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
