I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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