I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
