I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
