New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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