i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Randomize
