I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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